20th June - into Vietnam

We made it! - what a horrendous nightmare journey from hell that we don't want to repeat ever!! Definitely were on holiday by mistake for a while!

Leaving Vientiane at 6.30pm aboard an ok bus with reclining, but sweaty, seats, air con, a few other tourists and some chain-smoking Vietnamese we thought the predicted 19hr journey might be bearable. Not to be. It went something like this:

1830 - bus leaves on time heading the right direction

2030 - two hours to travel about 5km stopping at every shop in Vientiane suburbs to collect random packages, bags, fruit and other unidentified goods

2200 - stop at roadsode eaterie for smoking Vietnamese to have a break from smoking and get some dinner. We stood around, had a wee and didn't have a clue how long we were stopping or what was actually happening - contrary to our ticket sellers information, nobody on the bus spoke a word of English - not even 'Hue' the name of our destination, which in fact is not English anyway, it's Vietnamese!

2230 - back on road, still heading the right direction

0000 - woken from dribbling and neck straining doze as bus is jolting 45 degress left, right, forwards and backwards as we make some impressive four wheel drive Alton Towers type manoevres through what look like ploughed fields

0300 - bus stops, lights go out and Vientamese stop smoking to start snoring - not sure which is worse. We guess this is the border as it doesn't open till 7am. We also contemplate why the bus didn't leave 4hrs later to time the arrival at the border more appropriately. Piss up, brewery and organise spring to mind!

0600 - get off the bus for some fresh air, another pee and generally to remind ourselves that we are still alive.

0700 - all the Vietnamese dissapear off the bus towards a building. We assume this is for passport control so follow suit with the other 6 bewildered tourists.

0730 - eventually get passports stamped (for an unexplained $1 payment) after Canadian couple have a fight with the Vietnamese travellers who don't seem to understand the queuing concept.

...are you bored yet?? - imagine being there! - we have to write this down as a kind of therapy...maybe nobody is even reading it?! - i think the experience has made us paranoid!...oh dear...anyway:

0745 - walking back to where the bus was we discover the bus has dissapeared, along with our big bags, and more disconcertingly, some of the other tourists!!

0800 - after walking across a bridge and over a small hill we thankfully find the bus - how silly to think the bus might leave us in the middle of nowhere not knowing what to do next! (if you're still bothering to ead this rant then see later for context...)

0815 - fill out 317 forms for Vietnam immigration and pay another unexplained fee so some uniformed man doesn't stamp 'BIRD FLU' on our passports

0845 - get told to change bus to another shabby looking contraption to take us to Hue as our bus is going to Hanoi (obviously somebody did understand the word Hue).

0900 - after unloading all our baggage we get told that we need to get back on the original bus and change in Vinh (about 2 hours away) as the dodgy bus isn't really going to Hue.

1100 - bus flagged down by random child shouting loudly and waving his arms about in the middle of the road. This turns out to be standard advertising mechanism for Vietnamese roadside cafes!

1105 - get charged a $1 for a small bottle of Pepsi.

1130 - get told that this is where we change bus so unload bags and reluctantly watch the bus dissapear down the dusty highway. I try to ask when the other bus will arrive and the guy points to the 12 on his watch.

1140 - nice ladies from cafe take some interest in us and give us two small stools to sit on. They also try to reassure us by nodding and smiling when we point to Hue on our tickets.

1230 - still no bus. More people in the cafe looking at us and semi smiling.

1245 - mini bus full of Monks leaves and driver shakes his head and wiggles his hands whilst saying 'Hue'. Still not really sure what this meant.

1300 - nice smiling ladies talk to random child who then flags down a passing local bus. 4 men run towards us shouting 'Hue! Hue!'. After a loud discussion between the drivers and the nice smiling cafe ladies we hand over some cash - about $2 - although we had already paid for a through ticket???

1305 - deeply regret getting on the bus as we are wedged between sacks of rice and sweaty men who are amazed at the site of two westerners on their bus. Not as amazed as we were. My hairy arms were a source of much amusement to them as they incessantly touched and stroked me - recoiling was not really an option as there was nowhere to move to! I felt it might be rude to repay the affection by stroking the 4 inch cluster of hairs they were cultivating from chin based moles. We say 'they' since they did ALL have these distinctly unattractive appendages.

1335 - after 30 minutes we all agree that none of us can speak the other's language very well despite pointing at things in our phrasebook. We're also still not convinced that we're going to get dropped in Hue.

1400 - the boundaries of humour were almost passed when the same guys started stroking my legs.

1405 - luckily somebody gets off the bus so we can we move towards the back!

1406 - realise that this might not have been such a good move as the guy next to me trys to loll all over me whilst oggling Polly and the old guys in front start smoking a big bong type pipe!

1407 - realise that there is no way I can get either of my legs behind the seat that is about 2 inches in front

1408 - definitely on holiday by mistake as we estimate another 6 or 7 hours to Hue!

ok, we're now getting bored reliving this - as I'm sure you are if you're not asleep yet.

After about 4 other stops for grazing and widdling etc and we found ourselves within 20 or so km of Hue - yeah! We couldn't feel our arses or feet but that was not important anymore. To reassure us one of the busmen said 'Hue!' to us and put his thumb up.

2000 - (it's very dark now) our joy of being near Hue was shortlived and rudely interupted when the bus pulled up to a halt and we were ushered off the bus next to some small wooden huts and a few locals. I tried to say that Hue was another 17km away - the drivers just smiled and pointed down a dark road holding up 6 fingers! Bollocks.

2010 - we turn to the locals as the bus disappears and hopelessly say 'taxi?'

2020 - we are somehow on the back of two mopeds with all our gear buzzing towards Hue (we hope) after bartering an $8 fee! An experience to remember but not to repeat.

2100 - (26.5 hrs from starting) standing in a clean hotel lobby with smiley people.

2110 - standing in the shower drinking cold beer from the mini bar in our air con room! - heaven!

After a good night's sleep it all seems a long way away and you're probably thinking we're moaning jessies! - yes - you're right. We are!

But if we'd wanted a journey like that we could have arranged it quite easily instead of spending a day in Vientiane trawling round all the travel agents and choosing to book an $18, air-con direct tourist bus service with English speaking driver. To think we were not looking forward to a mear 19hrs in even those conditions!

Now in Hue we love it! Hired bikes for exploring and found some good local foods. Always makes us feel better!!